There are 8 exits on this plane...

Hot stuff.

I'm really not the biggest fan of flying. Actually, I'm not a fan at all. Which is a 180 degree flip from when I was younger. You see, when I was a little itsy bitsy Saba one of the things I wanted to grow up to become was an air stewardess. 

Aren't they glamourous? They wear heels 35,000 feet above the ground. Their make up is always in place. Their hair! Pulled up into sophisticated chignons. And they were always so nice. Handing out those [let's be honest] kinda horrible puzzles that have 12 squares but only 11 pieces so you could solve them. And they are always friendly and take care of you. 

But, since about 2005, which is when I believe this random fear started, I have been terrified of flying. 

Some people don't like the sensation. Others get travel sickness. Some don't like the food. For me, I don't like turbulence. In particular. In general? I don't like the idea that I am tens of thousands of feet above the ground and can "fall out of the sky" at any moment. It's crazy, I know. But I sit there, all tensed up, wondering when we'll hit turbulence or when the plane will just fail in what is was made for. Many a flights I spent on the edge of my seat, unable to enjoy movies or food because I was petrified that "it" would happen at any moment. And sometimes I sit, paralysed, afraid of getting up and going to the bathroom - my walking up the aisle may SHAKE the plane! I mean, this borders on is madness! I wouldn't sleep, because of all of the adrenaline, and this was when I was still mainly doing 7 hour flights. Madness I tell you.

So one summer I decided to go and get some form of calming pills. A friend had told me that they use them and I thought "why suffer?". Plus, enough of grabbing random people's hands and getting asked "is this the first time you've flown?" [so embarrassing]...

So I get to the pharmacy and I tell the pharmacist "I'm terrified of flying, anything you'd advise?" 

His reply?

"Do you want something to calm you down or something to knock you out?"

*blink blink*

"uhh just something to calm me down thanks..."

?!%("£%!))*£%&

You might wonder why I didn't pick the second option. Aha! You see, not only am I afraid of flying, I am even more terrified of getting DVT and dying. Yes, I would rather suffer 8 hours of anxiety than risk the possibility of getting a blood clot due to sleeping on a plane. Even though I don't smoke and I'm not obese. Yet I resist DVT like the plague. I constantly drink water on airplanes and pee every 20 minutes because I do not want to die after I have reached my fabulous destination.*

Some flights are better than others. And sometimes I do just pass out from exhaustion and sleep through it all. Which makes me wonder why I don't just get over my fear. 

The worst times are when I'm just starting to relax on a flight and *bump* turbulence and then...

...the fasten your seat belt sign comes on...

My brain goes into overdrive. 

omgomg we're gonna hit major turbulence

omgomgomg it must be bad if the pilot needs us to stay seated

what?he's also announcing it?this is going to be bad 

My palms start to sweat. My fingers feel prickly because of all the adrenaline. My mouth gets dry. My breath shortens. My stomach does somersaults. I need to pee....can't leave my seat...Sometimes I have a little cry. It's pathetic.

My ultimate worst experience? Flight from Dubai to London. Sitting with my brother, watching movies. And we hit the worst turbulence I have ever experienced. I mean, the stewards and stewardesses were told to sit down and buckle up. And that plane was shaking. The plastic cup on our table got knocked over. The lights were dimmed (it was nighttime). Then the TVs were switched off. And as you are in your seat, shaking like a polaroid, you suddenly look forward and realise that you are in a metal barrel in the sky. I was so scared. Squeezing my brother's hand. Asking the lady next to me if she wanted to hold hands too. It's a bonding experience. For sure.

The cherry on top? When the turbulence did eventually pass, some lady a couple of seats in front of me (who, by the way, SLEPT through the ENTIRE ordeal) turned to the stewardess and said "when will the TVs be switched back on?".

I hate those people. 

Sx

*a another crazy side of me that I will share...eventually...maybe...