Laughing at Yourself

I'd bought a punnet of cherries. Cherries here are really yummy (come from Lebanon) and I loooooove cherries.

So Louis and I are eating like, millions of cherries, watching the office. Gobble, gobble.

I'm also writing down things that Louis and I need to do for our holiday plans.

"Louis, tomorrow you need to do XYZ.."

"Saba, I'm not very good at doing XYZ..." *innocent eyes*

*scowl*

"Well, LOUIS, I'm not very good at foresight or thinking for myself or any of that stuff!! Do you like it when I tell you that?! Do you? That's no excuse!!"

*grinning*

"Saba, you need to go to the mirror and make that same speech in front of the mirror!!!!!!!!!!!"

*SCOWL*

"What?! You think this is funny??!!"

"Please please just go to the mirror and make this exact same speech" *hysterically laughing*

So I relent and sneak up to the mirror (because by this time I am terrified of what my face looks like).

And then literally die of laughter.

That's what eating a trillion cherries does to your teeth!!*

Sx 

*After brushing a couple of times my teeth were back to normal. THANK GOD! Work would've been interesting otherwise!

Confidence

You may be surprised to learn that, for someone with an ego like mine, I really struggle with self-confidence. I've been thinking about this a lot over the past year, what with changing careers and countries, and the challenges that come with both transitions. I think I'm getting closer to understanding why I have this underlying self-doubt, but let's leave that for post-Ramadhan when we're not so sleep deprived!

One of the problems of not having enough confidence, at least for me, is that I always panic that I'm never going to learn the thing at hand. As in, I think I should just be amazing at something I've just picked up. And that usually overwhelms and stresses me, and then makes me less likely to learn (stress = things not sticking in your brain, it's scientific). And I compare myself to others who have mastered said thing and convince myself that the reason they're amazing at it is because they are geniuses and I'm not. Which, maybe 1% of the time is right, but the other 99% of the time, that person would have worked hard to get to where they are now, and so my comparison is irrational and absolutely counter-productive.

And many people struggle with believing in their abilities. Friends of mine, who are successful in life, tell me that they lack confidence, especially in the work place. And this doubt stops them from speaking out, or causes them to back down from ideas they bring to the table. It's crazy. They have obviously reached the positions they're in by way of experience and time, yet they are unsure of their capabilities.

I've noticed that I do things better, quicker and with less worry when I am confident that I can handle the matter at hand. So I'm taking a conscious decision that, when I am in a situation that I am terrified in, instead of panic, to just take a step back, remind myself how many incredible accomplishments I have and how, in a lot of them, it just took time and perseverance. 

It's not that easy, reminding yourself this. Especially since when you are panicking that you aren't up to the task, the last thing your mind has the capacity to do is insist that it's amazing! Vicious cycle! But I'm determined to change my mindset, and not get angry during those times that I'm not able to believe in myself. 

I'll let you know how it's working out, and do feel free to share your thoughts on this and/or post some suggestions!

Have a great week!

Sx 

A tale of Ramadhan

I can't believe that it's already day three of Ramadhan! (day four by the time I hit "publish") This is the first in Jordan. In fact, the first Ramadhan in the Middle East since 2009. I'm looking forward to it. I've heard a lot of people say that it's gonna be hard, fasting till about 8pm. So I feel compelled to say, no, it's going to be fine. Especially since my current job lets me go home at 2:30pm.

You see, in 2011, the UK experienced a nice, hot summer comprising of long, hot summer days. If I remember correctly (and with a bit of Googling to revive my memory), this meant that I would be fasting from approximately 2:30am until approximately 8:30-9pm. I'll do the math for you: that's about 19 hours of fasting. 19. One. Nine. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it must be for those who have to fast longer than that.

During that time I was working full time as Legal Assistant for a hu-mungous law firm. Meaning, I was working pretty long hours. My commute was 1.5 hours (each way). And did I say it was hot, hot, hot? Knowing it would be a difficult month, I'd requested to take off each Friday from work, to help me recover from the other four days of work and get some sleep. The Universe had other plans though and I was asked to work for 3 Saturdays of that month. Luckily, I got paid time and a half so it worked out...

I digress. 

So Ramadhan started. And there are many people who will tell you "oh you get used to it after a few days". Yes, you do. If you're at home and/or get naps and/or have someone cooking/cleaning/generally taking care of house stuff. But not if you're working full time and more often than not overtime too. 

My month went something like this:

First week or so, you're tired, but you're ok, because you still have energy from the past 11 months. I managed to go to sleep around 12am each night, and wake up around 2am to eat something and have a drink. I would literally force myself to sit down and have a bowl of porridge.

By about the second week, your body is thinking..what the..?! You see, I would eat dinner at about 9ish and then I would be literally dying to go to sleep (because I had to wake up at 7am and I'd have been awake since 7am) but I had to digest the food I'd just eaten. So I would try to stay up. But not too late, because I had to wake up again around 2ish to eat and drink and generally stock up. On the days I had to work late, I would break my fast at work and just figure out the rest when I got home. And although the days were so long, there was no chance of napping. 

By these calculations I generally slept about 7, broken, tormented hours before being rudely awaken by my alarm. While at work, my Egyptian colleague and I would reminisce in the corridor about how we took coffee for granted.

By week three my body was exhausted. I was so tired that when my alarm rang for me to wake up to eat and drink, I would just dismiss it and go back to sleep. Which meant I was starving and thirsty the next day. But when sunset came along, I was too tired to have a big dinner. My body couldn't handle it anymore. My concentration at work dwindled. I would dream of swimming pools and just dunking my head in water. I was just tired all the time. My body went into a state of shock I think. (I'm no doctor so please don't quote me). 

I'm not sure how I survived week four. I guess pure adrenaline that Eid and that cup of coffee I so craved were around the corner. It was the hardest month of my life. I honestly believe that my body did not get used to it. On the contrary, with each passing day, it just became more challenging.

I'm not gonna lie. Every day of Ramadhan that year, I woke up with an intention of breaking my fast. Every. Single. Day. But it'd get to 12pm and I'd think, "oh I have 8 hours to go..." Then it'd get to 3 and I'd think..."oh I have 5 hours to go". And, somehow, I managed to do it. 

I'm not trying to boast. I just want to say, to all of those people fasting crazy hours this year, you are incredible. It's no easy task. Just think of how you'll be laughing when Ramadhan comes around in December :D 

And if someone tells you that "oh you'll get used to it" then just tell them that, until they've fasted 18 hours whilst working full time, then unfortunately, you'd rather formulate your own opinions ;) 

Sx

PS I found this article the other day, which, had I found it two years ago, I would have definitely only fasted 12 hours instead of about 19!

¡BACK!

I. Am. Back!

Dissertation handed in last Monday. Moral of the story : dissertation + full time work = one very tired Saba. I was quite cranky by the end to say the least. I decided to stop being a good friend and just be a lame one instead (one of my friends even questioned whether I was still "grounded"). However, I did it. I handed in my LL.M dissertation (sounds sooo fancy!) and now I am just waiting for my certificate :) I can't believe it. 

There's lots to catch up on, including a friends' visit that nearly caused the demise of one of them as a result of my fat bum (I *wish* I was joking), a new career move and more shopping related obsessions. Also, I'm going to be doing a "Blog Challenge" soon so stay posted in case you want to join me :) I did not come up with this fab idea myself I'm afraid but all details will be revealed in time. 

It's good to be back :) 

Sx