I was at my work desk. Typing away. "Planning" an event.
When the paranoia hit.
I was freaking out (inside of course, outside I was eating chocolate cake, obvi). You see, I'd never planned an event before. Wedding? Puh-lease. I just had to show up and not fall over. And even then it's pretty difficult to ruin a wedding. And this? A 4 hour seminar with 30 guests that compelled me to believe I'd get found out.
So, there I was, creating tables on Excel, Skyping with a colleague on how to work our CRM system, frantically looking through my notes to make sure I haven't missed anything. And I thought to myself, what if my colleagues suddenly realise that I am incompetent and that they've somehow hired this fraud?!
I get this feeling a lot. Like, not for a prolonged period, really, but just filling emails and BOOM - I look around and think...."they know".
This, apparently, is a common phenomenon that many suffer, especially women. We feel that we don't deserve to be in the position we are in. That somehow, a mistake was made and we've ended up where we are by some mistake. A lot of articles have been written about this (like this one), and Sheryl Sandberg wrote and spoke at length on the topic.
Eventually the feeling passed and I told myself that I'd be fine, amazing even, arranging this event. The problem with having these feelings hit you is, for me anyway, it's a vicious cycle. When I think these thoughts, I'm more likely to make silly mistakes, which then make me panic even more, leading to slightly more noticeable mistakes, and telling myself that I'm just not cut out for whatever it is that I was doing, that other people do it better, and I just wind myself up in this manner.
Didn't I tell you before I was crazy?
Anyway, just to let you know, the even went fabulously and here's a photo of me manning the registration desk.