I know I've not been very vocal on here for a while.
I do have some exciting photos and reviews I'd like to share with you.
I do have posts that are lighthearted and liken me to Dora the Explorer.
But it's been difficult when my mind has been really occupied with figuring out how to escape the maze that is my brain.
I'm not one to plan where I want to be and by when. I find that things tend to work themselves out and well, whatever's meant to be will be. Of course, I do hope for things and strive to achieve them because not doing so would kind be crazy...right? It's just if you had told me 3 years ago that I'd be living and working in Jordan I don't think I would've really believed you. And the reverse situation is true, I have no clue where I'll be three years from now.
But for some unknown reason (maturity possibly being it, but let's not be too ambitious here) I lay awake in bed many nights wondering if this is where I imagined life would take me and if this is what I want right now. It's a weird question, because I have nothing to compare it to. I can't bring up my notes from last year and say "yup, crossed that off my list" because, you know, I don't have that list.
Whenever I'm at a cross-roads I tell myself, ugh I wish decisions would just be made for me. Of course I don't want that. Of course I realise that making your own decisions is a privilege. Unfortunately growing up and making decisions are such painful processes for me, since I prefer to bury my head in Topshop.com instead of facing my realities. But I've really started to think about where my life is heading, what choices I want to make next and where I want them to take me.
Here's a confession, I started writing this post about a week ago. And here I am tying it off because I am no closer to finding my decisions than when I first started.
I know one thing is for sure though.
I want to make a plan. I want to reach conclusions, decisions. For once, I am not going to hide. I am going to figure this out...whatever "this" is to me right now. I won't settle. I can't settle. It would be wasting that privilege I'm so fortunate to have.