There are 8 exits on this plane...

Hot stuff.

I'm really not the biggest fan of flying. Actually, I'm not a fan at all. Which is a 180 degree flip from when I was younger. You see, when I was a little itsy bitsy Saba one of the things I wanted to grow up to become was an air stewardess. 

Aren't they glamourous? They wear heels 35,000 feet above the ground. Their make up is always in place. Their hair! Pulled up into sophisticated chignons. And they were always so nice. Handing out those [let's be honest] kinda horrible puzzles that have 12 squares but only 11 pieces so you could solve them. And they are always friendly and take care of you. 

But, since about 2005, which is when I believe this random fear started, I have been terrified of flying. 

Some people don't like the sensation. Others get travel sickness. Some don't like the food. For me, I don't like turbulence. In particular. In general? I don't like the idea that I am tens of thousands of feet above the ground and can "fall out of the sky" at any moment. It's crazy, I know. But I sit there, all tensed up, wondering when we'll hit turbulence or when the plane will just fail in what is was made for. Many a flights I spent on the edge of my seat, unable to enjoy movies or food because I was petrified that "it" would happen at any moment. And sometimes I sit, paralysed, afraid of getting up and going to the bathroom - my walking up the aisle may SHAKE the plane! I mean, this borders on is madness! I wouldn't sleep, because of all of the adrenaline, and this was when I was still mainly doing 7 hour flights. Madness I tell you.

So one summer I decided to go and get some form of calming pills. A friend had told me that they use them and I thought "why suffer?". Plus, enough of grabbing random people's hands and getting asked "is this the first time you've flown?" [so embarrassing]...

So I get to the pharmacy and I tell the pharmacist "I'm terrified of flying, anything you'd advise?" 

His reply?

"Do you want something to calm you down or something to knock you out?"

*blink blink*

"uhh just something to calm me down thanks..."

?!%("£%!))*£%&

You might wonder why I didn't pick the second option. Aha! You see, not only am I afraid of flying, I am even more terrified of getting DVT and dying. Yes, I would rather suffer 8 hours of anxiety than risk the possibility of getting a blood clot due to sleeping on a plane. Even though I don't smoke and I'm not obese. Yet I resist DVT like the plague. I constantly drink water on airplanes and pee every 20 minutes because I do not want to die after I have reached my fabulous destination.*

Some flights are better than others. And sometimes I do just pass out from exhaustion and sleep through it all. Which makes me wonder why I don't just get over my fear. 

The worst times are when I'm just starting to relax on a flight and *bump* turbulence and then...

...the fasten your seat belt sign comes on...

My brain goes into overdrive. 

omgomg we're gonna hit major turbulence

omgomgomg it must be bad if the pilot needs us to stay seated

what?he's also announcing it?this is going to be bad 

My palms start to sweat. My fingers feel prickly because of all the adrenaline. My mouth gets dry. My breath shortens. My stomach does somersaults. I need to pee....can't leave my seat...Sometimes I have a little cry. It's pathetic.

My ultimate worst experience? Flight from Dubai to London. Sitting with my brother, watching movies. And we hit the worst turbulence I have ever experienced. I mean, the stewards and stewardesses were told to sit down and buckle up. And that plane was shaking. The plastic cup on our table got knocked over. The lights were dimmed (it was nighttime). Then the TVs were switched off. And as you are in your seat, shaking like a polaroid, you suddenly look forward and realise that you are in a metal barrel in the sky. I was so scared. Squeezing my brother's hand. Asking the lady next to me if she wanted to hold hands too. It's a bonding experience. For sure.

The cherry on top? When the turbulence did eventually pass, some lady a couple of seats in front of me (who, by the way, SLEPT through the ENTIRE ordeal) turned to the stewardess and said "when will the TVs be switched back on?".

I hate those people. 

Sx

*a another crazy side of me that I will share...eventually...maybe...

Weekly Wish List

It's Eid!! Eid Al Fitr (which marks the end of Ramadhan) celebrations are very similar to Eid Ul Adha celebrations, mentioned here.

And, since it is tradition that you wear new clothes for Eid, here is what is on my wish list for this blessed holiday.

Eid Mubarak everyone!

Sx

Really into square watches since seeing this one. Since Chopard is just way out of my budget, here's a really sleek alternative from Oasis.

My Warehouse obsession continues!

There is ALWAYS room for glitter!

And, although this doesn't fall in the clothes category, I am totally saving up for this camera!

Ramadhan Birthdays

Tonight (the eve of 5 Aug) would have been my Father's Hijri (Islamic) birthday.

And today (5 Aug) is my birthday! What a great coincidence! :)

The reason we used to celebrate my Father's Islamic and not Gregorian birthday is that his birthday falls on what is considered the most religious night in the entire year - Laylat Al Gadr (Night of Power). Laylat Al Gadr's exact date is not specified in Islam beyond the belief that it falls on one of the final 10 days of Ramadhan. Most people accept that it's the night of 27 Ramadhan.

This is going to be the final year in a while that my birthday falls in Ramadhan. Next year, I'll hopefully be stuffing my face with cake as soon as I wake up (or refuse to come out of my room like Rachel in Friends when she turned 30, haha!).

Ramadhan this year has been unusual for me. While I missed Ramadhan in Yemen when I lived in the UK, being in an Arab country that wasn't Yemen and not recreating all of Ramadhan's traditions magnified the nostalgia. Having said that, I have to admit that I haven't spent Ramadhan in Yemen in a few years, so perhaps my sentiments are a little skewed. Still, every evening when the Maghreb prayer got closer, I could almost smell the samosas frying (actually, could've been the neighbour's samosas...).

So, Ramadhan in Sana'a, Yemen. With the entire family. Let's start by saying that blood sugar levels ran very low for approximately the last hour of the fasting day. Gathering round to wait for the call to prayer, we'd squeeze around a tiny round coffee table, not much larger than 1 metre in diameter. One of us would pour the tea, so that it would be cool enough to drink as soon as we could break our fast. Get this timing wrong and you get some disgruntled "who poured the tea today?" questions and efforts to balance the temperature out by pouring more tea over it and then it being really hot and then not having time to drink it (cue more disgruntled grunts)....timing is everything really.

When you break your fast after a day of not eating, everything tastes so much sweeter. This year I've been craving a lot of the food we have at fatoor (or iftar as it's known in some places) so I'm gonna tell you what we used to stuff our faces with in the 10 minutes of eating before praying. Dates. Tea with mint. Samosas (meat ones, chicken ones, cheese ones, veggie ones). Potato cutlets (mmm). Ma'asuba - which is Sana'ani bread pieces, smothered in butter (or ghee, traditionally) and honey. Absolutely delicious.

Then my father would rush off to start the Maghreb prayer, and we'd chase after him while having.one.last.bite. Praying Maghreb together is a Ramadhan tradition. It's only that one prayer of the day that we share, but every year we do it. After that? We sit down for dinner - which is an ultimate fail since we're stuffed (four types of samosas remember?!). Ramadhan dinners for some reason have to have a soup and at least 3 different kinds of juices. Even though, for the other 11 months of the year, we manage just fine with a few dishes. Never a truer time to apply "eyes bigger than the stomach" saying.

After dinner (Ramadan is focused around family/food, at least in our household!), we'd sit down for dessert (baklawa or cheesecake or konafa or  something equally sweet :D). And with our sweets we drink Yemeni dark coffee, to help wake up from the imminent food comas. When there were a lot of us living at home, we would play cards every night. And then we'd have a different type of Yemeni coffee, one brewed from the shells of the coffee beans (sooooo yummy). Once we were sufficiently caffeinated, the house would slowly empty out as everyone went off to start their evening's entertainment (seeing other friends, watching tv etc).

My family's Ramadhan evenings were quite different to those of my friends'. First, we never had dinner in front of the TV. In fact, we rarely watched or followed any of the series released specifically for Ramadhan. Also, we rarely stayed up late. Bed time was around 12 or 1 am (especially if it was school time, I'd sleep around 10!). We'd usually wake up to eat sahoor rather than skip it or stay up and eat late. And, we rarely slept in until anytime after 12 pm (and that was if my mom didn't wake us up!).

When we celebrated my Father's birthdays in Ramadhan, we'd always invite my aunts, uncles and many cousins for dinner, cake and an evening of family fun. I loved those nights. While the "adults" would sit in the deewan chatting and chewing and drinking tea, my cousins and I would rush outside to play the yearly hide'n'seek game in the dark. It was the only time we were allowed to play in the eerie garden at night. And it was always so much fun. We'd run around our garden and hide in the trees or on the other side of the house (so creative). And we'd buy fire crackers and light them up. For hours and hours.

Ramadhan is really wonderful, especially around family. But, as with many things, there is a sadness that surrounds it. Remembering family members and friends that have left us is inevitable. So many of the memories I have for Ramadhan, Eid and my Father's birthdays contain many family members that have sadly left us. And since Ramadhan is also a time for reflection and prayer, thinking of them and missing them makes the month very bitter sweet. I guess now is our turn to make our own traditions.

I'm very lucky and fortunate to have these memories of my family. One thing that I really want to do more of is to take more photos, since I couldn't find a single picture on my computer of spending Ramadhan when I was still in high school.

So here's to another year, hopefully one full of family gatherings, birthday songs and photographic memories. 

Happy birthday Baba.

Sx

Laughing at Yourself

I'd bought a punnet of cherries. Cherries here are really yummy (come from Lebanon) and I loooooove cherries.

So Louis and I are eating like, millions of cherries, watching the office. Gobble, gobble.

I'm also writing down things that Louis and I need to do for our holiday plans.

"Louis, tomorrow you need to do XYZ.."

"Saba, I'm not very good at doing XYZ..." *innocent eyes*

*scowl*

"Well, LOUIS, I'm not very good at foresight or thinking for myself or any of that stuff!! Do you like it when I tell you that?! Do you? That's no excuse!!"

*grinning*

"Saba, you need to go to the mirror and make that same speech in front of the mirror!!!!!!!!!!!"

*SCOWL*

"What?! You think this is funny??!!"

"Please please just go to the mirror and make this exact same speech" *hysterically laughing*

So I relent and sneak up to the mirror (because by this time I am terrified of what my face looks like).

And then literally die of laughter.

That's what eating a trillion cherries does to your teeth!!*

Sx 

*After brushing a couple of times my teeth were back to normal. THANK GOD! Work would've been interesting otherwise!

Confidence

You may be surprised to learn that, for someone with an ego like mine, I really struggle with self-confidence. I've been thinking about this a lot over the past year, what with changing careers and countries, and the challenges that come with both transitions. I think I'm getting closer to understanding why I have this underlying self-doubt, but let's leave that for post-Ramadhan when we're not so sleep deprived!

One of the problems of not having enough confidence, at least for me, is that I always panic that I'm never going to learn the thing at hand. As in, I think I should just be amazing at something I've just picked up. And that usually overwhelms and stresses me, and then makes me less likely to learn (stress = things not sticking in your brain, it's scientific). And I compare myself to others who have mastered said thing and convince myself that the reason they're amazing at it is because they are geniuses and I'm not. Which, maybe 1% of the time is right, but the other 99% of the time, that person would have worked hard to get to where they are now, and so my comparison is irrational and absolutely counter-productive.

And many people struggle with believing in their abilities. Friends of mine, who are successful in life, tell me that they lack confidence, especially in the work place. And this doubt stops them from speaking out, or causes them to back down from ideas they bring to the table. It's crazy. They have obviously reached the positions they're in by way of experience and time, yet they are unsure of their capabilities.

I've noticed that I do things better, quicker and with less worry when I am confident that I can handle the matter at hand. So I'm taking a conscious decision that, when I am in a situation that I am terrified in, instead of panic, to just take a step back, remind myself how many incredible accomplishments I have and how, in a lot of them, it just took time and perseverance. 

It's not that easy, reminding yourself this. Especially since when you are panicking that you aren't up to the task, the last thing your mind has the capacity to do is insist that it's amazing! Vicious cycle! But I'm determined to change my mindset, and not get angry during those times that I'm not able to believe in myself. 

I'll let you know how it's working out, and do feel free to share your thoughts on this and/or post some suggestions!

Have a great week!

Sx 

A tale of Ramadhan

I can't believe that it's already day three of Ramadhan! (day four by the time I hit "publish") This is the first in Jordan. In fact, the first Ramadhan in the Middle East since 2009. I'm looking forward to it. I've heard a lot of people say that it's gonna be hard, fasting till about 8pm. So I feel compelled to say, no, it's going to be fine. Especially since my current job lets me go home at 2:30pm.

You see, in 2011, the UK experienced a nice, hot summer comprising of long, hot summer days. If I remember correctly (and with a bit of Googling to revive my memory), this meant that I would be fasting from approximately 2:30am until approximately 8:30-9pm. I'll do the math for you: that's about 19 hours of fasting. 19. One. Nine. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it must be for those who have to fast longer than that.

During that time I was working full time as Legal Assistant for a hu-mungous law firm. Meaning, I was working pretty long hours. My commute was 1.5 hours (each way). And did I say it was hot, hot, hot? Knowing it would be a difficult month, I'd requested to take off each Friday from work, to help me recover from the other four days of work and get some sleep. The Universe had other plans though and I was asked to work for 3 Saturdays of that month. Luckily, I got paid time and a half so it worked out...

I digress. 

So Ramadhan started. And there are many people who will tell you "oh you get used to it after a few days". Yes, you do. If you're at home and/or get naps and/or have someone cooking/cleaning/generally taking care of house stuff. But not if you're working full time and more often than not overtime too. 

My month went something like this:

First week or so, you're tired, but you're ok, because you still have energy from the past 11 months. I managed to go to sleep around 12am each night, and wake up around 2am to eat something and have a drink. I would literally force myself to sit down and have a bowl of porridge.

By about the second week, your body is thinking..what the..?! You see, I would eat dinner at about 9ish and then I would be literally dying to go to sleep (because I had to wake up at 7am and I'd have been awake since 7am) but I had to digest the food I'd just eaten. So I would try to stay up. But not too late, because I had to wake up again around 2ish to eat and drink and generally stock up. On the days I had to work late, I would break my fast at work and just figure out the rest when I got home. And although the days were so long, there was no chance of napping. 

By these calculations I generally slept about 7, broken, tormented hours before being rudely awaken by my alarm. While at work, my Egyptian colleague and I would reminisce in the corridor about how we took coffee for granted.

By week three my body was exhausted. I was so tired that when my alarm rang for me to wake up to eat and drink, I would just dismiss it and go back to sleep. Which meant I was starving and thirsty the next day. But when sunset came along, I was too tired to have a big dinner. My body couldn't handle it anymore. My concentration at work dwindled. I would dream of swimming pools and just dunking my head in water. I was just tired all the time. My body went into a state of shock I think. (I'm no doctor so please don't quote me). 

I'm not sure how I survived week four. I guess pure adrenaline that Eid and that cup of coffee I so craved were around the corner. It was the hardest month of my life. I honestly believe that my body did not get used to it. On the contrary, with each passing day, it just became more challenging.

I'm not gonna lie. Every day of Ramadhan that year, I woke up with an intention of breaking my fast. Every. Single. Day. But it'd get to 12pm and I'd think, "oh I have 8 hours to go..." Then it'd get to 3 and I'd think..."oh I have 5 hours to go". And, somehow, I managed to do it. 

I'm not trying to boast. I just want to say, to all of those people fasting crazy hours this year, you are incredible. It's no easy task. Just think of how you'll be laughing when Ramadhan comes around in December :D 

And if someone tells you that "oh you'll get used to it" then just tell them that, until they've fasted 18 hours whilst working full time, then unfortunately, you'd rather formulate your own opinions ;) 

Sx

PS I found this article the other day, which, had I found it two years ago, I would have definitely only fasted 12 hours instead of about 19!

¡BACK!

I. Am. Back!

Dissertation handed in last Monday. Moral of the story : dissertation + full time work = one very tired Saba. I was quite cranky by the end to say the least. I decided to stop being a good friend and just be a lame one instead (one of my friends even questioned whether I was still "grounded"). However, I did it. I handed in my LL.M dissertation (sounds sooo fancy!) and now I am just waiting for my certificate :) I can't believe it. 

There's lots to catch up on, including a friends' visit that nearly caused the demise of one of them as a result of my fat bum (I *wish* I was joking), a new career move and more shopping related obsessions. Also, I'm going to be doing a "Blog Challenge" soon so stay posted in case you want to join me :) I did not come up with this fab idea myself I'm afraid but all details will be revealed in time. 

It's good to be back :) 

Sx